Chapter 23: Fred Rechid

The entire day just passed without any customers. The Krusty Krab found a way to reopen again, and people swarmed that place just like they did before I gave Sheldon the formula.

"What happened!" Sheldon shouted angrily. "Why are there no customers?"

"No idea," I replied.

"Are you sure you aren't just tearing holes in my wallet?" he asked. "I'm not usually such a cheapskate but..."

A newspaper flew with the winds and it hit the glass door. I picked it up, and just as I was about to throw it to the trash can, I saw a news column that has something to do about the Chum Bucket:

 

Chum Bucket Not Really Chum-Friendly

~by Leg Dude (Fred J. Rechid)

The Chum Bucket, with its only two employees, Sheldon J. Plankton and C'ren Amethyst L. Bieber, former cashier of the Krusty Krab, who, apparently, switched jobs, is the bucket-like building in front of the new-and-improved Krusty Krab. In case any of you remembered the incident a few weeks ago when Pearl, daughter of Krusty Krab founder Mr. Eugene Krabs, went ballistic and destroyed the Chum Bucket, I was there. I was originally assigned to do a food photography ad for the Chum Bucket's new-and-improved-menu and grand re-opening, but I just decided to submit this article, considering the fact that newspapers have to be, well, factual.

Why am I writing this? Apparently, I saw C'ren fight Pearl and insult her for being just a few sizes bigger than what C'ren considers to be beautiful. I was profoundly offended by her derogatory statements, and thus, I am writing this. C'ren is not the sweet, beautiful girl you all think she is. You may have applauded her during the Justin Bieber concert held about two months ago, but she is not really worth it.

Sure, she may look great and sing well, and, well, be good at many things, but she is not worth a visit at the Chum Bucket. You should all go back to the Krusty Krab because it will celebrate its grand re-opening today. Nothing beats the classic Krabby Patty.'

Enraged, I tore apart the newspaper, threw it in the trash can, and kicked the same trash can.

"Gah-dammit!" I hollered angrily.

"What's the matter?" Sheldon said as he went out from the glass door.

"Some dude wrote a news article about me; horrible, horrible stuff! No wonder we don't have any customers!"

We went back in the house, and K-3N showed us the complete article again.

"Oh, that's why," Sheldon said. "So, do you have any plans?"

"Yes," I replied.

"What now?"

"DESTROY every other food source in this town and keep everyone... on lockdown. Yes, that includes the grocery store."

"Well then... Oh, and by the way, C'ren..."

"What?"

"While waiting for customers, I was working in the lab and I have already extracted the venomous substance in the snail's maw. It's only a matter of asking the computer to analyze the substance so that we can already use the stuff as a possible mind-controlling serum," Sheldon said. "It's all in this test tube."

The liquid has white condensate swirling about at the bottom part, but it is mostly transparent. Sheldon put it in an apparatus similar to that one he used when he analyzed the composition of kelp's molecules.

"Good," I said. "While K3-N analyzes the composition of that stuff, let's start destroying the town's food sources when nighttime comes. I can't have it that I... I mean WE... don't have customers!"

[AN: Zoids Fanatic, as Bieber himself said, I will never say never! I will fight till forever! Whenever you knock me down, I will not stay on the ground. Pick it up, pick it up. Pick it up, pick it up, up, up, up, up, up and never say never~! So, I will not delete my story (at least until FFNET takes it down, in which case they haven't). And don't you DARE call me a fake, you hoe skank. I couldn't care less if you're a dude. If you think I'm not serious about this at all, prove it. PROVE IT, YOU STINKY BUCKET OF BOLTS! And your insults to my character (C'ren) mean nothing to me. If you think she's ugly, so be it. Each to his or her own. She's just a character after all. (She's a villain in fact, and clearly not a self-insert. Mr. Kokomo actually is right on that, and that would be her personality flaw. More flaws to be revealed later on. She isn't too perfect if you think she's a bitch, annoying, and needs to die. If you think someone is perfect, shouldn't you adore the person? You just rendered your own stupid argument invalid.) And please for the love of mankind, would you beta-read your face, or GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE?

SOLmaster, I'll dump this as soon as I'm done and/or get tired of it. Just hope that I'll get tired of this sooner if you loathe it, or just stay away from this fic and read stuff which you think is better and more deserving of attention.

Gokiburi Prince, let's see about that...

Heir-to-the-throne, not yet. No bad things yet if you think her tragic past is nothing. If you think forced incest isn't tragic, then you're a sicko.

sandy-cheeks-is-awesome, ok. I'll do my best. But I can't believe that dude for calling me (and this story) a fake and for actually mistaking me for a dude! Thanks for the assurance though...

E350, I was not painting myself as a better writer than JK Rowling. I was just posing a challenge for that dude who flamed me to actually write a better fanfic than majority of the stuff I read here. So far, no good fanfic yet from that dude. Not that I know of. He wrote it as an anonymous review.

The Truther, don't you DARE say Bieber is terrible. Go auto-tune your attitude, your taste of music, and your fashion sense (eww Hot Topic! That's the brand Tara Gilesbie that goff freak likes!) because Justin Bieber does not need that at all. And I'm very sure that all the singers I like worked hard to get to where they are now. They are just that talented to get there earlier and for a shorter time than most rock stars ever did.

Oh Ok, so be it. I'll be rude because they are also being rude. I'll stop flaming back (just focus on writing or perhaps quit writing this) if they stop flaming! I'll show them... ! I am no quitter. I'm not like Tara who would slit my wrists with every flame.

Very Very Tired Reviewer, I'm not trolling it. I'm just adamantly expressing my contempt for the wretched cacophony.

Mr. Kokomo, whatever.

Ignorance Your New Best Friend, hahaha! Go ninja on me? And I don't believe in ghosts! It's not like The Rev would actually like to haunt me. He's already suffering enough in hell where he's supposed to be. Hell is better than to be there to haunt me if ghosts are real. As for the challenge, Pray still wins over all of them, and so does Dirty Dancer. Let's see if you can actually pole dance like the girl in the video. The girl in The Beast and the Harlot is just a disgusting poser who thinks she's hot. I love Usher for discovering Justin Bieber! I will be eternally grateful to him. All Justin Bieber songs are better than your bullshit. And My Immortal? Isn't that the horrible fanfic by Tara? So that's the song she was inspired by. No wonder. It's so cheesy and can anything else get more emo than that poem that looks like it's written by some whiny, desperate 12-year-old boy? And I don't care if Lady Gaga and Kylie Minogue are pop divas. They're still short. That's why they need super-heels to torture their feet just to be as tall as I am. And you suck ass.]